You’re never on the wrong path…

You’re just not managing it quite as well as you could be right now.  So how do you know if you’re on the right path?  How do you know if you even have a right path? “If you have life, you have purpose”, so says Caroline Myss in Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday program, the inspiration for this article.  Everyone has a purpose, and everyone’s purpose is different.  It’s just a question of figuring out what that is.   Don’t fret though, because you never lost your purpose.  You’re reading this, which means you must be alive, which means you have a path and a purpose!

First of all, you have to have no judgements, no expectations and give up your need to know what happens tomorrow.   Don’t judge your life as it is now, just accept it (you don’t have to like it, just face up to reality).  Don’t expect anything.  Don’t expect to be living in a bigger house because seemingly everyone else’s is bigger.  Don’t expect things haven’t happened to you, as in ‘I can’t believe it happened to me/it shouldn’t have happened to me’.  Well, it did, and there’s nothing you can do to change the event (only how you think about it now).   And it doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path.  You are never on the wrong path.  All the decisions you’ve ever made are helping you make decisions now and every decision you’re ever going to make. 

The right path feels right.   You’re being true to yourself and not betraying who you are. If your boss is unkind, or you’re constantly feeling like you’re the one making all the sacrifices, or you’re drained of life, you’re not making the right choices.  Again, you’re not on the wrong path, you’re just not managing it as well as you could be right now - “If your life path begins to harm you, you’ve taken a detour”.  And there can be many life paths, as many paths as there are decisions.  If you’re family life is perfect and you couldn’t be happier, but your job is boring and unfulfilling, then in that area you need to choose a different path, a path that feels right.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to quit and find a new job, but maybe find out if there is something else/more you can be doing.

You don’t even have to know where the path is taking you, you just have to know you’re making the right choices for you.  So stop, take a deep breath, look around you.  What do you appreciate in your life now?  What doesn’t feel good?  What can you do to change it?  What can you do to ensure you appreciate everything in your life, to ensure you are on the right path?  Now do it!

To help your bowels move with ease, Put your feet on top and bend your knees

Welles Step

It’s not the done thing to talk about bowel movements, but I just wanted to share this little gem of advice with you that costs very little but makes a big difference to your everyday life.

Thanks to Thomas Crapper, toilets became commonplace in the 19th century, giving us a sanitary way to dispose of human waste.  But for what we gained in hygiene, did we loose out elsewhere?  According to Dr William Welles, we did.  Through his research, he found that squatting was the best way to eliminate waste from the body, and that toilets do not support the abdomen in the correct way. Bowel cancer most commonly occurs at the beginning of the ascending colon or the rectum, the areas that aren’t supported when using a toilet, but are supported when squatting.  Further research suggests that constipation, varicose veins, hernias, haemorrhoids and appendicitis are all attributed to the use of the toilet.

So the simple solution is to use a step (a child’s bathroom step is perfect) and hug your knees into your abdomen when on the loo.  You’ll find it much easier to pass a motion/have a poo/whatever phrase you’re comfortable with!  Steps are widely available, cheap (if you’ve not already got one lurking around somewhere), and it’s a very easy thing to incorporate into your daily routine.   So don’t be ashamed, remember, even the Queen poos.   I wonder how many Welles Steps she’d need for all her bathrooms?!!

“To help your bowels move with ease,

Put your feet on top and bend your knees”  Bess Purser, 2009.

My Second Favourite Form of Exercise

My Second Favourite Form of Exercise

I’m not a gym person.  I’ve been twice, when I was about 16, with a friend.  I was all enthusiastic about it until she couldn’t go with me the third time so I didn’t go either, and I never went back.   The thought of going to a gym to exercise just does not get me excited at all, and I think this is a common stumbling block for a lot of people.   You know you need to exercise more, but finding the time and inclination is difficult, if not near impossible.  

Let me tell you about a one (or two) of my favourite forms of exercise and why I enjoy them, in the hopes that it will inspire you to find something you love to do too.  My second favourite form of exercise is dancing, of which I do two types.  The first is Ceroc, a type of modern jive that gets your heart pumping and your feet thumping, yet forces your mind to relax.   It’s sociable, energetic and easy (ish) to learn.   For the first couple of years of my Ceroc career (once I’d learnt the basic steps which only takes a few classes), it was the only two hours in a week when I wasn’t in charge.  It’s a male led dance so as a female, all you have to do is follow the man’s lead and giggle when you get it wrong (which happens frequently, even after four or more years).  The more I concentrate on what I’m doing, the more my body tenses and the more mistakes I make.  So I just have to relax and go with the flow, feel the rhythm and keep spinning.

The second type of dancing I do is pole dancing, which could be construed as controversial, as I pride myself on my professionalism as (amongst other things) an aromatherapy massage practitioner, and the in the wrong context, the two vocations together makes for an interesting career choice!  However, the pole dancing lessons take place in a freezing cold studio on an industrial park and couldn’t be any further from a sleazy strip joint if you tried, and I have no intention of trying.  Being just a beginner in this pole dancing lark, and being rather nervous before my first class, I have found it very enjoyable, again sociable (though thankfully no men this time!) and after just three weeks my arms are already more toned and my strength has improved noticeably.  It works pretty much all areas of your body, as I found when I couldn’t change into second gear for about three days after the first class, and I can still feel it in my lower abdominals now.   It’s also a very skilled form of dance (verging on acrobatics), and I have much respect for the others in the class who can hang upside down holding on with just their thighs, whilst somehow appearing graceful. I hope that one day soon I will have the strength, flexibility and fearlessness to enable me to do the same too.

Another form of exercise I enjoy is walking.  I love having a good stomp up a hill to get the blood flowing and the heart beating, then turning round to pause and enjoy the view before carrying on.  I also love the fresh air, seeing the seasons change and exploring my locality on foot. 

There’s bound to be an activity out there that you love to do, it’s a case of experimenting and finding it.  It could be golf, martial arts, abseiling or trampolining.   There’s nothing that beats the feeling of being in the moment, with the wind in your hair and the world spinning around you.   You don’t need to make an effort as it becomes a joy to do, you don’t need to make time as it becomes part of your routine and you don’t need to worry about exercising more as you can’t get enough of it. 

The heart of forgiveness

What does forgiveness mean to you?  To ‘forgive and forget’ is often said but rarely actioned, as it can be interpreted as ‘What you did to me is ok’, when that’s the last thing on Earth that will ever be ok.   So you hold onto the memories, the anger, the resentment and the fear, and everytime you think of that person or event, your jaw tightens, your shoulders get closer to your ears and your stomach starts hiking up the acid production.

It’s not a nice place to be, and holding onto those emotions can lead to illness on a physical level.  Louise Hay states that the liver is the ‘Seat of anger and primitive emotions’ and that the probable cause of indigestion is ‘Gut-level fear, dread, anxiety’.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to let go of all those negative emotions and feel free from the people and events that have caused you pain?

So how about a change of definition of forgiveness...  Doreen Virtue, in her Healing with the Angels Oracle Cards, explains forgiveness as ‘I am no longer willing to carry around pain in response to your actions’, and Oprah Winfrey’s favourite explanation is ‘Giving up the hope that the past could be any different’.

Hold those words in your head, roll them around in your mind.  Can you feel them anywhere in your body?  It made me take a deep breath the first time I heard Oprah give her definition.  I was watching one of her lifeclass webcasts on facebook (highly recommended) and had to keep re-running that part just so the words could sink in and I could feel the release in my body. 

It might be that you have no-one to forgive but yourself, and sometimes that can be the hardest.  Again, you can’t change the past, and you won’t be doing it again, so don’t beat yourself up about it.  Doreen Virtue goes on to say ‘When we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we only punish ourselves’.  So stop it.  Take a deep breath and forgive yourself.  Aaaah, there you go, feels better doesn’t it?!

Christmas greetings with love

Hello, how are you?  How was your day? It’s great that you’re able to take time to read this, thank you so much.

When your partner or child walks in the house what do you see?  What do you do?  Do you notice the stain on their tie, or their shoes that need polishing?  Do you tell them to ‘hurry up and get a move on because we’re going to be late’?  Or are you doing something important and merely glance in their direction, mumbling at them to get their homework done?  How does it make you feel?  How does your loved one feel?  Are you even aware?

During an (old) episode of Oprah the other week, one of her guests had a brilliant lesson on greeting your loved ones with joy.  It's a very simple thing to do, but makes a massive difference to the quality of your life and those around you.  The next time you greet someone, whether they’ve come home from work or school, or you haven’t seen them in a while, smile, make a fuss, get excited, run to the door to hug them.   Make them feel that they’re the centre of your universe, that they’re number one.  It only has to take a few seconds of your time and gives you both a lovely lift for the day.

Why not make this your new year’s resolution?   It’s enjoyable for all involved, meaning it’s far easier to keep to after the second week!

Wise words from Rita & Eckhart

www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Complete-Webcast-of-Oprahs-Lifeclass-with-Eckhart-Tolle-Video

In this inspiring webcast by Oprah Winfrey & Eckhart Tolle (please click the link to view), we meet Rita (21 minutes in, though I encourage you to watch the whole thing), an audience member, who shares a wonderful lesson on not allowing other people to hurt you.   Rita says “I don’t any longer think it’s possible that other people can hurt me.  They’re just giving me their observation, and I’m giving it meaning, and so I get to choose what that meaning is.”

She then goes on to say that her favourite response when she’s receiving criticism is ‘You could be right’.  How magical is that?  It completely dissipates the negativity and transforms it into nothingness.   What the other person is saying to you is their opinion, they’re entitled to it and in their mind, it’s right.  That doesn’t mean that it has to be right for you.  You have a choice.   You can choose not to get upset, angry and to enter into an argument about it.   You can choose to ignore it, or act upon it, but it doesn’t have to hurt you anymore.

Imagine the next time someone criticises you “The house is too messy and you’re a slob”.  When you feel that hit you and the anger rise inside, it would be very easy to say “How dare you call me a slob, you’ve got no idea how busy I’ve been today and when was the last time you did any housework anyway?”  You can see where that’s going, it’s a one-way street to argument town and before you know it you’re shouting and screaming obscenities at each other.  You both end up feeling wounded, frustrated and exhausted.  Now what would happen if you replied “You know what, you might be right”?   Not a lot, as the comment is completely blown through you.  No sore spots hit, no chords struck, just inner peace allowing the negativity to dissolve into nothingness.

It works for positive comments too.  People say nice things to you, and you can become addicted to that.  You can live for the appreciation, the ego boost, and get hung up on it when you don’t receive it.  When you make a choice about how it’s going to affect you, you can decide that whilst it’s lovely to hear such things, you’re not dependant upon it.  You’re not going to feel sad if no one complimented you today.

You’re no longer dependant on what other people say.  You’re no longer a slave to other people hurting you and making you feel bad, or relying on an outsider to give value to your life.   You’re enough when you receive negative comments and you’re enough when you receive positive comments.   Repeat after me – ‘I’m enough’!   What an amazing place to be.  Thank you Rita, Oprah & Eckhart.  

A round up of November's best web articles and videos

10 immune boosting flu shot alternatives [From foodmatters.tv]
The late and early months of each year seem to be when more of us catch colds and come down with the flu. So what measures can you take to ensure you are not sidelined with nagging colds or a debilitating flu episode?
This article will give you nine easy tips, with probably the most important last. There you'll also be able to access a Health Ranger video with Mike Adams, which convincingly debunks the concept of "flu season".
Your immune system
Boosting your immunity is important for coping with the cold and flu season. Of course, getting a flu shot with dubious efficacy is not one of them. All vaccines depress the immune... Read more

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Happiness = 8 hugs a day.  Here's the science bit:

Paul Zak: Trust, morality - and oxytocin 1894 ratings 49,826 views

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Forget Antibiotics, Steroids and Medication - Starve This Toxin out of Your Body [By Dr. Mercola]
Illnesses caused by mold exposure are a growing problem that few people are aware of, including most primary care physicians.   Environmental health experts are seeing increasing numbers of individuals with a complex myriad of symptoms directly related to mold exposure.   This has resulted in the proposal of a new term to describe this multi-faceted syndrome: Mixed Mold Toxicosis.... Read more

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"What's the best way of communicating in the world today? Telegraph? No. Television? No. Telephone? No. Tell a woman".
Bunker Roy: Learning from a barefoot movement

1761 ratings

Why complementary medicine doesn’t stand up to conventional medicine (and why that’s a good thing).

One in ten people in the UK use complementary medicine each year and 50% of those are lifetime users, despite it receiving repeatedly bad press and coming under increasing pressure from European laws.

So why doesn’t it stand up?
When you look at the total effect of any intervention (treatment), be it conventional or complementary & alternative medicine (CAM), there are five aspects that contribute to recovery (the following model is based on research done on back pain over a period of six weeks).

1. Regression to mean. This is where the extreme cases, at either end of the pain scale, move towards the middle (mean) of the scale over time.  This accounts for around 10% of the intervention.
2. Natural history of the problem.  In the case of back pain, from your previous experience, if you give it a few weeks, it can get better regardless.  This counts as another 10% of the intervention.
3. Specific effects.  This is the actual treatment given, whether it be medication, remedial massage, ice etc.  It may surprise you to learn that this also counts for only 10% of the intervention.  Drug companies only have to prove 10% effectiveness of medication for it to be granted a license.   
4. Non-specific effects.  This includes your rapport with the practitioner, the ritual of the treatment given, the surroundings, if you got stuck in traffic on the way and your blood pressure shot up as a result of all the miles of cones on the motorway and not a blooming workman in sight!  Together with the context/meaning/placebo effects (see below), up to 70% of the intervention efficacy relies on these two factors!
5. Context/meaning/placebo effects.  We all know of the placebo effect, but it is often dismissed.   Placebo is actually a good thing, as it still helps, and clearly demonstrates the power (and importance) of the mind in healing the body.

CAM doesn’t stand up to conventional medicine in the way in which the specific effect (which only accounts for 10% of the intervention) is researched.   Conventional medicine takes a ‘reductionist’ view, isolating the symptoms and looking objectively rather than subjectively.  This is how statistics are produced (or skewed – but that’s a whole other story) to show that X drug is more effective than no drug, and it’s what double blind, randomised controlled trials were designed for.   It’s hard to do these trials when CAM is based on holism, i.e. looking at the whole person - what they’ve had for breakfast in relation to the discomfort they’re in now.  By it’s very nature it’s subjective: I’m yet to meet a human being that isn’t affected by the fabric of life.

Why is CAM so popular?
Where CAM does outshine conventional medicine is in the non-specific effects.   CAM practitioners stand out against GPs, consultants and other conventional medical professionals as they have the time to talk to people, listen, reach out and look at the whole person.  Their treatment rooms are generally less clinical (avoiding white-coat syndrome), you don’t have to wait for months for an appointment and you’re more likely to find, and deal with, the root cause of the issue.

Conventional medicine has only been around for the last 100 years or so, yet it’s grip on the western world is all pervading and mighty powerful.   So what we need is a new (or perhaps recycled) paradigm.  One where the effectiveness of the treatment is measured not by statistics but by the patients themselves, by case histories, by generational, traditional, tried and trusted methods, built on holism and the inter-connectedness of humans, animals, plants, the planet, the universe…  You get my drift. 

Top Tips for a Great Night's Sleep

1.    Blackout your bedroom
Make sure your bedroom is as dark as possible – Your delicate circadian rhythm needs darkness at night (and natural light during the day) and to operate at it’s best.   Use blackout blinds, heavy curtains and avoid things that glow (electrical equipment – see below) in your bedroom.  I also like to use an eye mask when necessary, which gives an extra layer of light protection.

2.    No electrical equipment
Bedrooms should be free from all electrical equipment including TVs, mobile phones etc.   All electrical equipment emits electromagnetic radiation that is harmful and can disrupt your sleep.  They also normally have at least one glowing light or digital clock that glows that lights up the room.   If you regularly fall asleep in bed with the TV on, move it out of your room.   At the very least, unplug it from the wall before going to sleep.  Use a battery powered alarm clock or if you use your mobile as your alarm (as I do), experiment to see if the alarm will still work when the phone is switched off.  If it’s a smart phone, switch it to ‘Airplane mode’ so it’s not sending a signal out through the night (though it will still emit electromagnetic radiation)

3.    Switch yourself off
Can’t stop thinking?  Thoughts running through your head?  There’s nothing worse than lying in bed thinking/worrying too much and not being able to drift off or waking in the night and not getting back to sleep again for what seems like hours.  I’ve got a few techniques up my sleeve for this, my favourites being

1. Essential oils - Everyone knows lavender essential oil in the bath before bed or on the pillow can help, but have you ever tried frankincense or valerian massaged into your feet?   These essential oils are grounding and balance out all the energy whizzing about in your head.  Putting them on your feet adds to the grounding effect, so that you can quieten down the ever-chattering internal voice.
2. Bach Flower Remedies - These work in much the same way as essential oils, in that they help to calm the mind.  You can get Rescue Night (or Healing Herbs’ ‘Rest’ – available at Peak Wellbeing) which is Rescue Remedy (5 Flower blend) with added White Chestnut, for ‘Unresolved, circling thoughts’.  A couple of squirts under your tongue will help to get you gently off to the land of Zzzzz.
3. Visualisation - I also like to visualise the energy/thoughts leaving my body.  I do this either by imagining the energy flowing down through my body and out the soles of my feet into the ground, where the Earth absorbs and takes it away, or with every out-breath, I visualise the thoughts leaving my body with the breath and dissipating into the atmosphere.   If I have a specific problem I need help with, to add an extra dimension, I visualise (on an in-breath if you like) the energy coming back to me through the night in a calming, positive way, enabling me to get a good night’s sleep, waking up with a new way of looking at things and hopefully a solution to the problem.

A combination of all these techniques will help to create the right atmosphere conducive to a good night’s sleep.  Of course it goes without saying that a healthy lifestyle also plays a big part.  Do you have any tools and techniques that help you get to sleep that you’d like to share on our Facebook page?

The Art of Vulnerability

What does it mean to be vulnerable? The dictionary defines it as ‘More or most likely to be exposed to the chance of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally;’ [Wiktionary.org].   It may be seen as a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, but according to Brene Brown’s recent TED talk (see below), without vulnerability, we are unable to experience joy, happiness and gratitude. 

Brene has been researching human connection for over a decade, looking at courage, authenticity, shame and vulnerability.   What she found is that the people who have a sense of worthiness, ‘A strong sense of love & belonging’, believe they are worthy.  Those who struggle to connect, to be good enough, believe they aren’t worthy.  Simples.

So what underlies this belief in worthiness?  She discovered these people have the courage to be seen as imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves first in order to be kind to others, and connection to others – they were able to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to just be them selves and connect authentically.

And what about vulnerability?  These people believe what makes them vulnerable, makes them beautiful.  They embrace their vulnerability.  They say ‘I love you’ first, they’re not afraid to try, or afraid of failing, they ‘breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after a mammogram’.   It’s not comfortable, nor excruciating, but it is necessary to feel vulnerable in order to feel the opposite – strength, resilience and self-assurance.

By denying vulnerability, by numbing unpleasant feelings with drugs, alcohol, food, you also reject the pleasant feelings - joy, excitement, satisfaction.  Beware the downward spiral of denying all feelings to avoid pain, eliminating the opportunities to feel good and opening yourself to love & laughter.   In the words of Jill Scott ‘Just because you have a nightmare, doesn’t mean you stop dreaming’.

So what makes you feel vulnerable?  Is it asking for help when you live on your own?   Initiating sex?   Talking about the passing of a loved one?
And what/how did you gain from expressing your vulnerability?  A new friend?  The most amazing sex ever?  The joy of a shared memory?   Share it on our Facebook page.  

TEDxHouston - Brené Brown