You’re never on the wrong path…

You’re just not managing it quite as well as you could be right now.  So how do you know if you’re on the right path?  How do you know if you even have a right path? “If you have life, you have purpose”, so says Caroline Myss in Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday program, the inspiration for this article.  Everyone has a purpose, and everyone’s purpose is different.  It’s just a question of figuring out what that is.   Don’t fret though, because you never lost your purpose.  You’re reading this, which means you must be alive, which means you have a path and a purpose!

First of all, you have to have no judgements, no expectations and give up your need to know what happens tomorrow.   Don’t judge your life as it is now, just accept it (you don’t have to like it, just face up to reality).  Don’t expect anything.  Don’t expect to be living in a bigger house because seemingly everyone else’s is bigger.  Don’t expect things haven’t happened to you, as in ‘I can’t believe it happened to me/it shouldn’t have happened to me’.  Well, it did, and there’s nothing you can do to change the event (only how you think about it now).   And it doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path.  You are never on the wrong path.  All the decisions you’ve ever made are helping you make decisions now and every decision you’re ever going to make. 

The right path feels right.   You’re being true to yourself and not betraying who you are. If your boss is unkind, or you’re constantly feeling like you’re the one making all the sacrifices, or you’re drained of life, you’re not making the right choices.  Again, you’re not on the wrong path, you’re just not managing it as well as you could be right now - “If your life path begins to harm you, you’ve taken a detour”.  And there can be many life paths, as many paths as there are decisions.  If you’re family life is perfect and you couldn’t be happier, but your job is boring and unfulfilling, then in that area you need to choose a different path, a path that feels right.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to quit and find a new job, but maybe find out if there is something else/more you can be doing.

You don’t even have to know where the path is taking you, you just have to know you’re making the right choices for you.  So stop, take a deep breath, look around you.  What do you appreciate in your life now?  What doesn’t feel good?  What can you do to change it?  What can you do to ensure you appreciate everything in your life, to ensure you are on the right path?  Now do it!

"Have a nice day, I love you!"

Just had to share this video with you of Bermuda's Happy Man:

Video from KarmaTube

The heart of forgiveness

What does forgiveness mean to you?  To ‘forgive and forget’ is often said but rarely actioned, as it can be interpreted as ‘What you did to me is ok’, when that’s the last thing on Earth that will ever be ok.   So you hold onto the memories, the anger, the resentment and the fear, and everytime you think of that person or event, your jaw tightens, your shoulders get closer to your ears and your stomach starts hiking up the acid production.

It’s not a nice place to be, and holding onto those emotions can lead to illness on a physical level.  Louise Hay states that the liver is the ‘Seat of anger and primitive emotions’ and that the probable cause of indigestion is ‘Gut-level fear, dread, anxiety’.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to let go of all those negative emotions and feel free from the people and events that have caused you pain?

So how about a change of definition of forgiveness...  Doreen Virtue, in her Healing with the Angels Oracle Cards, explains forgiveness as ‘I am no longer willing to carry around pain in response to your actions’, and Oprah Winfrey’s favourite explanation is ‘Giving up the hope that the past could be any different’.

Hold those words in your head, roll them around in your mind.  Can you feel them anywhere in your body?  It made me take a deep breath the first time I heard Oprah give her definition.  I was watching one of her lifeclass webcasts on facebook (highly recommended) and had to keep re-running that part just so the words could sink in and I could feel the release in my body. 

It might be that you have no-one to forgive but yourself, and sometimes that can be the hardest.  Again, you can’t change the past, and you won’t be doing it again, so don’t beat yourself up about it.  Doreen Virtue goes on to say ‘When we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we only punish ourselves’.  So stop it.  Take a deep breath and forgive yourself.  Aaaah, there you go, feels better doesn’t it?!

Christmas greetings with love

Hello, how are you?  How was your day? It’s great that you’re able to take time to read this, thank you so much.

When your partner or child walks in the house what do you see?  What do you do?  Do you notice the stain on their tie, or their shoes that need polishing?  Do you tell them to ‘hurry up and get a move on because we’re going to be late’?  Or are you doing something important and merely glance in their direction, mumbling at them to get their homework done?  How does it make you feel?  How does your loved one feel?  Are you even aware?

During an (old) episode of Oprah the other week, one of her guests had a brilliant lesson on greeting your loved ones with joy.  It's a very simple thing to do, but makes a massive difference to the quality of your life and those around you.  The next time you greet someone, whether they’ve come home from work or school, or you haven’t seen them in a while, smile, make a fuss, get excited, run to the door to hug them.   Make them feel that they’re the centre of your universe, that they’re number one.  It only has to take a few seconds of your time and gives you both a lovely lift for the day.

Why not make this your new year’s resolution?   It’s enjoyable for all involved, meaning it’s far easier to keep to after the second week!

Wise words from Rita & Eckhart

www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Complete-Webcast-of-Oprahs-Lifeclass-with-Eckhart-Tolle-Video

In this inspiring webcast by Oprah Winfrey & Eckhart Tolle (please click the link to view), we meet Rita (21 minutes in, though I encourage you to watch the whole thing), an audience member, who shares a wonderful lesson on not allowing other people to hurt you.   Rita says “I don’t any longer think it’s possible that other people can hurt me.  They’re just giving me their observation, and I’m giving it meaning, and so I get to choose what that meaning is.”

She then goes on to say that her favourite response when she’s receiving criticism is ‘You could be right’.  How magical is that?  It completely dissipates the negativity and transforms it into nothingness.   What the other person is saying to you is their opinion, they’re entitled to it and in their mind, it’s right.  That doesn’t mean that it has to be right for you.  You have a choice.   You can choose not to get upset, angry and to enter into an argument about it.   You can choose to ignore it, or act upon it, but it doesn’t have to hurt you anymore.

Imagine the next time someone criticises you “The house is too messy and you’re a slob”.  When you feel that hit you and the anger rise inside, it would be very easy to say “How dare you call me a slob, you’ve got no idea how busy I’ve been today and when was the last time you did any housework anyway?”  You can see where that’s going, it’s a one-way street to argument town and before you know it you’re shouting and screaming obscenities at each other.  You both end up feeling wounded, frustrated and exhausted.  Now what would happen if you replied “You know what, you might be right”?   Not a lot, as the comment is completely blown through you.  No sore spots hit, no chords struck, just inner peace allowing the negativity to dissolve into nothingness.

It works for positive comments too.  People say nice things to you, and you can become addicted to that.  You can live for the appreciation, the ego boost, and get hung up on it when you don’t receive it.  When you make a choice about how it’s going to affect you, you can decide that whilst it’s lovely to hear such things, you’re not dependant upon it.  You’re not going to feel sad if no one complimented you today.

You’re no longer dependant on what other people say.  You’re no longer a slave to other people hurting you and making you feel bad, or relying on an outsider to give value to your life.   You’re enough when you receive negative comments and you’re enough when you receive positive comments.   Repeat after me – ‘I’m enough’!   What an amazing place to be.  Thank you Rita, Oprah & Eckhart.  

The Art of Vulnerability

What does it mean to be vulnerable? The dictionary defines it as ‘More or most likely to be exposed to the chance of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally;’ [Wiktionary.org].   It may be seen as a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, but according to Brene Brown’s recent TED talk (see below), without vulnerability, we are unable to experience joy, happiness and gratitude. 

Brene has been researching human connection for over a decade, looking at courage, authenticity, shame and vulnerability.   What she found is that the people who have a sense of worthiness, ‘A strong sense of love & belonging’, believe they are worthy.  Those who struggle to connect, to be good enough, believe they aren’t worthy.  Simples.

So what underlies this belief in worthiness?  She discovered these people have the courage to be seen as imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves first in order to be kind to others, and connection to others – they were able to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to just be them selves and connect authentically.

And what about vulnerability?  These people believe what makes them vulnerable, makes them beautiful.  They embrace their vulnerability.  They say ‘I love you’ first, they’re not afraid to try, or afraid of failing, they ‘breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after a mammogram’.   It’s not comfortable, nor excruciating, but it is necessary to feel vulnerable in order to feel the opposite – strength, resilience and self-assurance.

By denying vulnerability, by numbing unpleasant feelings with drugs, alcohol, food, you also reject the pleasant feelings - joy, excitement, satisfaction.  Beware the downward spiral of denying all feelings to avoid pain, eliminating the opportunities to feel good and opening yourself to love & laughter.   In the words of Jill Scott ‘Just because you have a nightmare, doesn’t mean you stop dreaming’.

So what makes you feel vulnerable?  Is it asking for help when you live on your own?   Initiating sex?   Talking about the passing of a loved one?
And what/how did you gain from expressing your vulnerability?  A new friend?  The most amazing sex ever?  The joy of a shared memory?   Share it on our Facebook page.  

TEDxHouston - Brené Brown