What
does it mean to be vulnerable? The dictionary defines it as ‘More or
most likely to be exposed to the chance of being attacked or harmed,
either physically or emotionally;’ [Wiktionary.org]. It may be seen as
a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, but according to Brene Brown’s
recent TED talk (see below), without vulnerability, we are unable to
experience joy, happiness and gratitude. Brene has been researching human connection for over a decade, looking at courage, authenticity, shame and vulnerability. What she found is that the people who have a sense of worthiness, ‘A strong sense of love & belonging’, believe they are worthy. Those who struggle to connect, to be good enough, believe they aren’t worthy. Simples.
So what underlies this belief in worthiness? She discovered these people have the courage to be seen as imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves first in order to be kind to others, and connection to others – they were able to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to just be them selves and connect authentically.
And what about vulnerability? These people believe what makes them vulnerable, makes them beautiful. They embrace their vulnerability. They say ‘I love you’ first, they’re not afraid to try, or afraid of failing, they ‘breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after a mammogram’. It’s not comfortable, nor excruciating, but it is necessary to feel vulnerable in order to feel the opposite – strength, resilience and self-assurance.
By denying vulnerability, by numbing unpleasant feelings with drugs, alcohol, food, you also reject the pleasant feelings - joy, excitement, satisfaction. Beware the downward spiral of denying all feelings to avoid pain, eliminating the opportunities to feel good and opening yourself to love & laughter. In the words of Jill Scott ‘Just because you have a nightmare, doesn’t mean you stop dreaming’.
So what makes you feel vulnerable? Is it asking for help when you live on your own? Initiating sex? Talking about the passing of a loved one?
And what/how did you gain from expressing your vulnerability? A new friend? The most amazing sex ever? The joy of a shared memory? Share it on our Facebook page.
TEDxHouston - Brené Brown
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